Yes, I’m eating.

Good morning, people. It’s Humpday. I hate that fucking word. However, there’s very little things in my life I’m not bitter about, or at least mildly annoyed at right now.

I was home for about a half hour yesterday before he called. He had said he would try to call around 9pm, just to talk for a couple of minutes, when we managed to talk on Monday night. It’s rough going for him, and the system is frustrating for him. No one has answers, and the information he gets is often conflicting. I think the shock of everything is wearing off and the realization THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING is hitting hard. Consequently, his call at 6pm was worrying. He told me he really, really just needed to hear my voice, and to know I would pick up the phone. “I’m a wreck,” he said. I could hear the barely contained emotion behind that statement, his voice cracking a little. “I’ve spend most of the day crying.”

We spoke for a a couple of minutes, long enough for me to calm him down and assure him that I’m doing everything I can. I’m trying to be strong, but listening to him quietly sobbing into the phone is really, really awful. Unfortunately, I’m one of those people with barely any sort of bedside manner when someone is sick, and I imagine it carried over into the call. It makes me feel awful to be like, but I’m trying really hard to not completely break. I grabbed my book and gave him the bullet point list of who I had contacted, and what sort of answers I had.

Honestly, I have no answers.

Later, he called again. He told me that I can have one courtesy visit each week until I’m an approved visitor, which made me feel a little better. I told him how frustrating this is, and how I hate being unable to help or reassure him. Unfortunately, I feel like it’s only going to be worse. Last night’s call was disheartening, to say the least. The joking about moving to Canada just got a little more serious.

Now, the bullet points aren’t exclusively lawyer contacts, but also what I can do around the house. I know I probably can’t keep things going smoothly forever, and I’d rather be prepared for whatever ends up happening. And, since it looks more and more like this isn’t going to have the positive outcome we were hoping for, I need do get busy.