The Shoe has Dropped

I worked out a budget this week. I was very proud of myself for setting it up. The spreadsheet I used only went up to October, but after plugging in the numbers, it looks like I should be ok, as long as I stick to the plan. It made me happy to see that, barring anything really unforeseen, I could make it through this. I’d keep myself afloat, and bide my time until we figured out how to handle all of this.

I was, dare I say it, optimistic.

I even paid the mortgage tonight.

Later, I was in the bathroom. I’m standing in my underwear, trying to use the clippers on the parts of my head that are shaved. Then, I realized that I don’t it myself because I can’t see the back of my fucking head. That’s why, once a month, we’d shave each other’s head. The two of us, in our skivvies, wielding the buzz clippers; me standing, him sitting because I can’t reach his head otherwise. In fact, the last time I tried to shave my own head was because he was in jail after his first arrest. That realization brought on the ugly crying, which I certainly didn’t need because I had hair clippings all over my head sticking to my blubbering, leaking face.

A lawyer finally got back to me tonight. In the middle of my head shaving, ugly crying pity party, the theme to The Muppet Show starts blaring from where my phone rested on the lid of the toilet. She was one of the lawyers that’s in my benefits network. We started off discussing the basics, starting with when he was arrested and basic details of his conviction.

I am no longer optimistic.

First, a felony conviction means they won’t let him out on bond. The lawyer’s only suggestion is to appeal the immigration case, which doesn’t actually do anything more than buy him time. A good lawyer would claim he wasn’t completely informed before the plea deal to make an informed decision about it. He says the public defender said he’d have trouble renewing his green card, but that was years down the line. They told him he could take the plea and get probation, or he could take his chances and get about 5 years if convicted.

At the same time, he keeps appealing the immigration case, preventing deportation while they fight about the first case. If they vacate the conviction, ICE drops its deportation order. Unfortunately, that also means the state takes him back to court all over again. However, a lawyer could then push the state to accept a plea for a lesser, non-deporting charge. Obviously, all that has to actually work. The lawyer I spoke with tonight said it’s a long, expensive process.

It also doesn’t change the fact he’s stuck in there.

I’m weighing my options. I joked with him about cashing in my meager 401k, selling the house, and moving North. He laughed, until I told him that it’s a helluva lot easier to move to Canada than here.

My mom didn’t laugh at all when I mentioned it.