Mindset

It wasn’t a good sleep. I’m exhausted, and I’m forcing myself to go to bed earlier tonight. I think I’m just reaching a point where holding it together for a bit isn’t happening, at least for the moment.

I took a break from doing anything last night, which made me feel worse. Even when I do stuff, I still feel like I’m not accomplishing anything. Thursday, I tell myself. Thursday, all these boxes will be out of here and I can get more done. But, is that really the case? Tomorrow is trash day, and I’ll be dragging a few things up from the basement. Several boxes of books and a few bags of clothes will be picked up on Thursday. I have Friday off, and it will almost be a fresh start with the boxes cleared out. I want to take pictures of the smaller Lego, and start offloading that collection.

“It sucks you have to sell all that stuff,” a Discord friend said. “You don’t deserve all this.” And it does suck. Shawshank apologizes all the time for getting us in this situation in the first place. However, I haven’t actually had to sell anything of my own just yet. The Lego, the Funko Pops, those are all his. Selling my collection of My Little Pony is going to be really, really hard. Maybe not so much the main collection, since they were bought in large lots. However, the ponies in the display case will be difficult to part with. Those ponies were hand picked for my collection, and I’ll be sad to see them go.

But, it needs to be done.

I asked him last week, “what do you want me to do with your photo albums of cadet camp?” He asked me to let him think about it. I get it. Those albums are full of memories of happy times when he didn’t have adult worries and responsibilities. I told him I’d let him have some time to decide, but to consider the fact he probably didn’t even know we had them, or where they were in the house.

“If [random item] is so important, then why was it in a box stuffed in the back of a closet? Why haven’t you missed it?”

That’s the mindset I’m forcing myself to keep while I go through all these boxes.