mom

You’re not getting fed again, you’re not starving. Look at you, you’re shaped like a filled up tick, you certainly don’t need food. So what’s the problem? Why are you like this? Why are you such a bitch? no one likes a cat who’s a bitch.Mom, “replying” to Knickknack’s regular growls and hisses

On second thought, I can’t do a workout because my workout pants are in the wash right now.

Mom: So, if my underwear keeps falling down inside my jeans, does that mean I need smaller undies or bigger ones? Me: I … I don’t know. Mom: Well why the hell not? You’re supposed to be the smart one.