Die in a Fire

  • 9 am: What’s that beeping? Why, the fridge has been open all weekend! Floater says “it’s fine, look at the temp range on the screen.” That’s the temperature range for the last 24 hours, not what the ideal temp is supposed to be, fucknuts. Have you ever seen a fridge that was supposed to be set at 60?
  • 9:15 am: He tries to ask for help ordering narcotics. Techs don’t order narcs, so why in the world would I know what the fuck he should be doing? We have this same discussion every shift he’s here.
  • 9:30 am: “There’s no Sudafed to take off the order”. Um… Does he want a cookie?
  • 9:45 am: He shows me something in the narcotic order to ask if it looks correct. Jesus fucking Christ, kill me now.
  • 10 am: He’s narrating every interaction with patients. It’s driving them nuts because they can’t understand his accent, and he can’t understand them AT ALL.
  • 10:21 am: patient calls, insists on speaking Spanish to me, seems annoyed I can’t understand. Fridge is still beeping.
  • 10:35 am: Whatshisname questions why we don’t have 2 techs on during the day because it would be better. NO SHIT.
  • 10:48 am: “Which way do the bags hang?” I do’t fucking care. Put the scripts in the bags.
  • 10:50 am: I’m hiding in the bathroom
  • 11:25 am: second patient comes in who doesn’t speak English, she gives him her id, but the id has slightly different and longer last name. He’s confused. I explain it’s a Spanish thing. He’s confused that I know this, but I don’t Spanish.
  • 11:30 am: “Should we call the doctor on this [obvious mistake]?” No, we fucking shouldn’t.
  • 11:50 am: I ask if he’s printing things that are marked as out of stock “It must’ve automatically did it” No, the system doesn’t do that. Stop printing shit, the system will print it on its own. Meanwhile, 5 more things print.
  • 1:20 pm: A patient spells her name 5 times for him, he’s not listening to her and finally pawns her off on me.
  • 1:29 pm: proceeds to argue with me about the patient at 1:20 pm and her information, and whether I had the correct patient.
  • 1:45 pm:
    Patient at register: Shut up! Just get out of here, you fucking retard!
    PT’s girlfriend: Fuck you, you fucking faggot!
  • 2:05 pm: I ask him again to stop printing shit we don’t have in stock.
  • 2:25 pm: [Good patient, to me, talking about my buzzcut] “Do you drive a tank because if so, that’d be so fucking hot.”
  • 2:39 pm: Whatshisname finally checks in the controlled substance order that came in at 10 am. “Here,” he says, pushing it at me as though I actually have space in my area.
  • 2:55 pm: “You have a lot of calls to make,” he tells me. Listen here, Cunty McFuckass, have you seen what I’m dealing with at my end of the pharmacy?
  • 3:55 pm: Starts narrating Rx process
  • 4:15 pm: “Are you staying until we close?”

2 Comments

  1. Italia

    The next time I’m here typing scripts from my living room getting annoyed at the doctors who write .. take Twice a day at bedtime or dispense 3476.374 tablets .. I’ll remember this post .. and be glad I’m no longer at a store lol

    • crystal

      But what if I have two bedtimes?

      We still joke about that.

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