[Current Mood | overstimulated ]

[Listening To | the shower ]

Hello, world. I woke up thinking it was Saturday, but I’ve been told it’s Friday. Part of my brain registered it was Friday when I saw the weekly Deku Deals email, but I immediately forgot. Podrick came up to snuggle a few times.

I took yesterday off. My plan was to enjoy the niceness of the afternoon, soak up some sunshine, play with the diabolo outside, and maybe stream after dinner. Things are getting smoother, and I’m getting a little more comfortable with maneuvering it along the string. At one point, I landed an actual trick (that I wasn’t trying to do in the first place), then stood there, diabolo spinning, wondering, what next? I think the biggest issue is generating enough spin on the diabolo. I know what I need to do, and I know how, but I’m terrified of breaking something. Anything. Could be the diabolo itself, my nose, my sunglasses, a cat, a window, the TV, the diabolo’s string. It doesn’t matter what that something is, really, but I’m gonna break it, and be sad, mad, or broke about it. So I play with that shadow of “something’s gonna break” every time I pick it – and any of my flow props – up to play with them.

After I’d tuckered myself out in the sun, I went inside. I threw some diabolo tutorials from YouTube up on the TV, figuring I should learn about the what next? part of the move. I had to stop watching; no good comes from watching intermediate and advanced moves when I can’t reliably get it in motion in the first place. It was still too early for dinner, so I went into the bedroom with the idea that I might clean up some shit before work. I thought if I tidied, I might come up with a new bedroom arrangement that would give me a better workspace.

Hours later, I had a trash bag full of shit I’d taken out of my dresser, the bed was covered in work “clothes”, and I was pulling 75% of the shit out of the closet. I had stuff all over the floor. While organizing my work stuff, I lost a glove from a Halloween costume. I had it when I started “tidying”. It was somewhere in the bedroom. I ended up tearing apart everything I’d just sorted and organized, dumping the bag of clothes I wanted to toss to go through all of those as well. In my head, I questioned whether I had one glove or two when I started sorting, because I couldn’t be this fucking stupid to lose a glove in the 10ft² of space that I literally haven’t moved from in an hour. I texted Shawshank that I was overwhelmed, and he promised to help pick up anything I wanted to leave. Eventually, the errant glove turned up, hidden behind a slab of wood, wedged behind some chairs. Unfortunately, by that point, I’d already exhausted all my spoons. Whatever spoons I added with outdoor fun were wiped out, along with my remaining daily spoon allotment.

I didn’t stream, I just cleaned what I could, ate a bagel, and I didn’t do anything else. I existed in the quiet house. Half an hour before Shawshank came home, I started working on Fansly stuff, but just couldn’t focus on it. I fucked around with an OBS overlay instead.

Hopefully, today is better.