It’s one of those days where I’m trying so hard to not get into that spiral of thought. I don’t know what set me off.
Actually, I have an idea. I remembered this morning. I was juggling my plastic containers of lunch, a travel mug full of coffee, and a tiny cup of goldfish crackers. The plastic containers were wedged in a stack between my arm and side, the cup in that hand, the open cracker cup on top of the coffee. This left me with the other hand free to close my front door, which I managed to do by stretching and grabbing hold of the antique doorbell’s handle. I heard its faint bicycle-bell jingle as the handle twisted slightly, and my mind wondered, did the police ring the bell when they came in with the warrant that morning, or did they just pound on the door?
It didn’t matter then, and it sure as hell doesn’t matter now. The seed was planted in my head at that point. Everything today leads back to that one destination. A shop I’m interested in buying from is reopening next week, can I buy something? Should I order the uniforms? No, save the money.
Besides, his birthday is coming up. What does he want? Oh, but wait. It’s not that simple. Should it be something tangible, or do I err on the side of caution and look into gifting an experience, just in case? I asked if he had any ideas on what he might like, and if I’m thinking it, I’m sure he is as well.
I need a distraction that doesn’t involve food, and I need a good cry, and maybe a scream.
