Feeling blue or insecure? Losing sight of what’s important? Still searching for the real “you”?
In this self-help age of soul-searching, daily affirmations have been known to do the trick. But you probably shouldn’t try these.*
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal.
Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
Joan of Arc heard voices too.
I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
I am at one with my duality.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so.”
A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step — blaming my parents.
I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
*I don’t remember where this came from originally; I stumbled across it in some very old, Xanga-level archived cringe.
